so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
