I love black thongs
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
