a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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