That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize