He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He better not be in your backpack
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
