The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
