Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
