i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
