i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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