She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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