What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize