as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
