can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just blew my weed a kiss
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
