i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Such a big mess for such a small penis
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
