He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
