you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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