He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
