I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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