I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
