it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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