i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
