I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
