Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
