i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
