He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize