have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
