Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
