we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
