I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
