well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize