How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
