Duck Duck Cougar?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
