Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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