I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
