I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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