Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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