Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
