And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
