Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
