Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
