They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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