we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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