I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
