While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
