Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
