This girl is more easily done than said...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
