The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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