Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
