If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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