I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I lost the right to judge tonight
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
