I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
