i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
