Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
