wakey wakey hands off snakey
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
