I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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