My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Found your dick twin last night
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
