Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize