His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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