Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
