She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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