there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
