she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
