They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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