I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
