Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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