the day after is always just damage control
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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