planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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