dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
