Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
