People in love make me want to vomit
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
