Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
