saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
