I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
