I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
