do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Houston, we have a squirter
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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