It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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