Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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