More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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