Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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