bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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