He disabled his match.com account in front of me
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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