the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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