I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
