I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
home. puking in laundry basket.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
