I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
