I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
