ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
