So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
