I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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