sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
