My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
