She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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