pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
