I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
