I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
