Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize