Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
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