Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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