Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
