Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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