Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
