Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
