sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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