You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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