You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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