Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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