I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
