Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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