Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
