Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
