Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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