He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
