that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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