Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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