Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
