fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
