I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
