Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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