I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
