Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
