we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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